What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The American's Prayer

Our Obama who art in the Whitehouse
Hallowed be thy name
Thy govt come, thy will be done
In the South, as it is in the North
Give us this day our daily rebate
And forgive our bankruptcies as we forgive those who bankrupt against us
and lead us not into depression
but deliver us from debt
For thine is the country, the house, the senate, forever and ever, Abe-in

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Thats So Gay

There has been a big fuss over the use of referring to something as 'gay'. People gay and straight are coming forward to set the record straight. Saying 'Thats so gay' has become something wrong and disrespectful. People use 'gay' to replace terms like stupid, awful, ridiculous etc. I really get why 'That's so gay' is wrong. However, I think we are all barking up the wrong tree.

Seriously, whats the big deal though. Thats so gay. Say it like you mean it.

Bollywood - Thats so gay. Running around trees, running through the flowers, random song and dance sequences, bright colors, sensitive emotional well dressed dancing men and a generous helping of bromance. Thats like so totally gay. Not that I love Bollywood or homosexuals any less, its just that I love witticisms more.

Lap Dogs - Thats so gay. Tiny yippy yappy lil ones who would be a bite size snack for my big ol coonie, sticking out of leather purses or better yet jogging along with muscular men in shorts on a hot summer day. Thats like so totally gay. Not that I love dogs or jogging men any less, its just that I love witticisms more.

Why are we concerned with five year old kids saying thats so gay? Why are we not concerned about ye olde english poets who can no longer be happy and gay. Is it not disturbing that we live in a world where bright yellow daffodils, silvery moonlight, bright blue skies, flitting butterflies, singing meadow larks and fields of lupine just cannot be merrily gay anymore?

I think the first real crisis we faced as humanity is when we stole the blisfull gayness from hippy hoppy happy happyland. Gone are the days when a gay lad was womanizer womanizer gay womanizer oh oh he was oh oh he was. Could you imagine if Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers the gay divorcee today. It would be a back breaking, heart aching, eye sobbing Oscar winner about a heterosexual couples discovery of their true identity.

Whether homosexuals are gayer that straight people is unknown, because only marriage can be the true measure of human misery. But the transcend from happy to insult is quite a journey eh.

The problem with 'Thats so gay' is not with its usage. Its the colloquialism we have allowed to be attached to 'gay'. If the Beatles released Sgt. Pepper today, The Times should be able to say "Thats so gay", back in 1967 they gave a smashingly good review to what they referred to as a 'gay' album. The problem is that people have allowed 'gay' to become an insult.

Way back in the day during the second season of Indian Idol I made the error of referring to contestant NC Karunya as being so gay. The fact is that I am a huge fan of Karunya and rooted for him all along. I just thought he had that quality like Chandler. People pounded on me for insulting Karunya. I was like hey wait a minute, 'gay' is not an insult. The problem was that people thought that there was something wrong in being gay, and it was insulting to be gay.

Homophibic elements have made 'gay' become an insult. Thats so Gay, which could have been neutral or positive has become negative. By going all gay on people who say thats so gay all we do is point out that gay is being used negatively and acknowledge its negative use. Homosexuals have turned around and embraced 'queer' which was a term coined for insult. Its time to reclaim 'Thats So Gay'. Lets not lose this awesomely gay phrase from society.

So next time when you say 'We're Queer and we're here" remember "Thats so gay, its the thing to say" The next time you watch a movie that blows your mind remember to exclaim "Wow! Thats so gay". When you read a great book tell your friends "Dude, it was so totally gay". "Check out the new i-phone man, it so gay"

Humans! Thats so gay. Say it like you mean it. Say it again and again. Don't be so homosexual about it.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Books by RTH

One of my childhood dreams was to become an author. Unfortunately, lack of time, energy and most importantly focus, ambition, concentration and determination have prevented me from writing a book. These are the books I dream to write.

The Shimmer Series

The Shimmer: Millions of parallel worlds exist layered upon another. The inhabitants of each world completely unaware of the time and space they share. The Shimmers are beings responsible for maintaining order in the parallel worlds. They are beings who cease to exist, but merely shimmer as shadowy objects through existence. Until one ordinary oblivious human is granted the power of Shimmers. No human has ever been made a guardian Shimmer before, no human is capable of it. Now he has to learn quick to save the human world from oblivion.

The Clan of the Tiger: Off the western coast of India lies a mysterious foggy island locked in a curse of time. Humans who cast their eyes on it experience a maddening cycle of dreams. Trapped on the island is the ancient Clan of the Tiger - devout followers of Lord Rama they patiently pray for release from their curse. Throughout time Shimmers have sought to release the Clan from their anomalous entrapment in time and space, but the truth about the curse is a forbidden secret. When the love of his life casts an eye on the island, she loses her sanity in her maddening dreams. Now the human shimmer has to unlock the secrets of the clan and set them free - or lose his love forever.

The Prisoners of Kyoo-Whan: The home world of Shimmer elder Mandor is a medieval human world with fantastical beings and beasts. One of them is the ancient sentient giant squid Kyoo-Whan. Every decade Kyoo-Whan captures several humans the coast of Ireland and takes them to his castle at sea. With ancient powers beyond the realm of the guardian Shimmers, they form an uneasy truce with him. When the human Shimmer visits Mandor, Kyoo-Whan captures him mistaking him for a human. Can the raw unsespecting Shimmer outwit the ancient wisdom of Kyoo-Whan and set himself and the captives free.

Other Books

The Leader: Now that I think of it, it rhymes with Reader. Set in a fantasy fiction land, it is a tale of a young knight who organizes the peasants to lead a rebellion against the tyrannical king. When the burden of the crown is unwillingly cast upon him, he finds himself discovering the think line between benevolence and tyranny. Is he the mesiah as people prophesize or will he become everything he loathed.

The Cheswick Report: A young photographer Julie finds herself an apartment in the attic of an elderly couple. Tucked away in a box in the attic she discovers "The Cheswick Report" by Dr. Robert Gray a former tenant. The report is a diary chronicling his treatment of a young woman Dana Cheswick who was believed to be possessed. What begins as a scientific report gradually morphs into an engrossing and haunting love affair as Dr. Gray begins to romantically obsess over the seductive Dana. Through the words of Dr. Gray Julia falls in love with Dana and begins writing about a fictitious affair taking place in her dreams. She is determined to find this dangerously seductive Dana Cheswick. The trouble is Robert Gray was not a doctor but an alcoholic musician and there is no one called Dana Cheswick.

Seduction: Originally this started as fan-fiction, but is probably my most inspired works. If I ever get to writing a full length book this is on my top list to be cleaned up and made publishing class. The story is an intertwining affair between an arrogant business tycoon, a promiscous gold digger and an ambitious prostitute. Full of dark characters the story shows that darkest seduction is not of the flesh but of the mind and the greatest redemption is not forgiveness but love.

High Fantasy: Bob is 29 stuck at a boring dead end job. His love life is DOA and he is plain broke. To get him through the tough days Bob convinces himself that someday he will get magical powers and become a superhero. To his awe and surprise, on his thirtieth birthday he finds out he is a wizard and is enrolled in magic college. What follows are Bob and his magical adventures - or are they really as magical as he thinks.

Pirates of the Union: A comic play on Pirates and modern day Piracy. Jack is a bumbling but brilliant Swedish student being booked for privacy. Will is an apprentice to a DRM lawyer, till he discovers his father left him a legac of piracy. Elizabeth is the daughter of the lawyer engaged to a greedy music tycoon.

Inspired by Real Life

Desis in the Curry Smoke: A Gorrillas in the mist spoof like story of the quirks and habits of Desis.

And then Kajol arrived: A book on the love and lunacy for Bollywood

One State Two State Red State Blue State: An American coloring book of political rhymes.

I know out on public domain means people may steal ideas. Hmm who knows, I might just shrug and read my inspired work, I might sue for rights. Lets see.