What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Dr. RTH: Come Flu with me

Or how you will stop worrying about the swine flu and learn to love it.

Right now you are probably running around like chicken with your head cut off. There is a tickle in your throat, and you wonder is it here. That Mexican garbage collector was away for a week, you wonder if he had traveled to Mexico and back in a shipment of pigs to visit his family. You do not like the fact that Taco Bell has many shady Mexican employees, who could have been in Mexico sometime in their lifetime. So in short, you are afraid, very, very afraid.

Chillax! Don't worry, be happy.

Look at it this way

Unemployed people could die, that would drop unemployment rate. Maybe people will die and create jobs vacancies for the unemployment. That would also reduce unemployment rate. More importantly mother nature could do with less people.

No spring in your spring break on account of the economy. Now you can look forward to party in Cancun. Flights are cheap, hotels are cheap, and the beaches will be devoid of pesky teens. Yeah there is a risk of that flu thingie, but you will flu right through it.

After all its just a flu.....

And if it becomes a pandemic like those scary people say it will be

You could start a sweatshop making fake green masks. Hopefully, the person who could sue you will die. Maybe you can start a prayer circle and charge for it. You could start your own voodoo medical practice. Crush random leaves and berries and infuse them with teas as remedies. If you are Christian blame it on the homosexuals. Its all because Iowa allowed those fags to marry. If you are Nazi blame it on Obama. Its all because we have a black president. If you are American blame it on the Indian elections. No country can host democratic elections that are larger than USA without the permission of our great nation. This is Gods way of punishing our lack of oversight.

And if it becomes really bad like the black death

It will be just like the disaster movies. If only viruses would mutate to create flesh eating zombies and bloodsucking vampires. Then we tote our guns and have some kick ass fun. Anyways we could start creating catacombs under our cities. We could create intricate patterns with skulls that have no meaning. Write nonsensical graffiti on the wall. Invent strange burial rituals and hope that the future generations will have their minds totally fucked trying to decipher them.

Hopefully, by this time the economy is crashed and is in a shit pile. Life is all good as we walk out every day gather some wood and berries, toast a squirrel on the fire and enjoy some moonshine. Lather rinse repeat.

Disclaimer: Dr. RTH was born and brought up in Bombay. RTH water from the taps, ate food off the streets (sometimes off the asphalt too), RTH & friends shared bottles, plates, stuff and all sorts of cooties all the time. RTH school abscence record has a bout of influenza every quarter.
RTH can consume nuclear waste and have enough energy to break out into a mass choregraphed Bollywood dance routine. RTH can fly like a bird, moo like a cow, eat like a pig and pretend to be human. RTH superhuman powers and exposure to all sorts of germs give her immunity. RTH gets influenza two to three times a year and recovers. Influezna is a dear part of RTH's flesh and blood.

Moral of the story: Stop living in a fucking bubble. Your immune system needs practice before it takes on the big boys like swine flu. If you have no training, the big boys like swine flu will kick your ass and you will be fucked. Train your immune system - forget to wash your hands, let your kids sneeze in your face, eat more Taco Bell, forget to wash your glasses, share food of a plate with a stranger, play beer pong, make out with someone who is down with the flu. Share the germ, spread the love.

Exception: Hand sanitizers cos they are cool and funky and feel awesome on your hands.

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