What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

My Dirty Little Secret

Alright, it is not really a dirty little secret. It is more of an amusing, funny, silly kind of secret. Just like the song, dirty little has a catchier ring to it. So what is the secret?

Well my little secret is my knee. My mangled, painful, hobbling, inflamed little knee. Most people really do not enjoy their injuries. Me on the other hand have been enjoying my injury in some ways. Let's just call it a bittersweet memory. Hidden within every painful spasm is a pleasant peaceful feeling, a feeling that I do not understand but enjoy very much. I actually weaned of my meds pretty quickly, just to see how long I could endure the pain and then would become delirious with pain.

Now do not get me wrong here, I am no masochist. I absolutely do not derive any pleasure from pain. In fact I am a big baby who cringes and whimpers at the notion of pain. It just so happens this pain is somewhat endearing in its own way. Not for the pain it causes, but for how it happened. Its kind of an epic pain in the making. How many people miss three whole stairs and fall. I mean three whole stairs in their own house. Three whole stairs in their own house, on which they go up and down a zillion times a day.

What were you thinking? Thats what most people ask me. I smile to myself and laugh a little inside. Exactly! What the fuck was I thinking. Initially, I was miffed. I was very upset and cried like a baby. Then I asked myself 'What the fuck was I thinking'. The funny thing is, I was lost in thought, while climbing down the stairs. When the pain subsided, I remembered what I was thinking and almost burst out laughing.

I wish I could tell you what I was thinking, because you would probably have a little bit of a snicker too. Some who know me, would be like Oh RTH, that is so naively, innocently and stupidly. Trust someone like you to dwell on that, and mangle your knee. Oh dear, If I were what I was thinking about it would be quite empowering to my narcissistic ego and would be glad to have knee mangling down my belt of things to do. The irony of it is a tad bit empowering in its own way.

Nevertheless, this painful little injury is just a simple little reminder, that life is to be enjoyed. A reminder in responsibility and the consequences of irresponsible behavior. A reminder of irresponsibilty and the liberation of irresponsible behavior. A reminder that its pointless to dwell on the past and mull over the future. A reminder of the good times to keep with me.

I'm able to walk pretty briskly now. It is healing, but it has not healed the best. My mom is quite concerned that if I'm not putting enough effort and I may have a twist or a wee limp in my step for eternity. While I do not relish the thought of having that for the rest of my life, but if so it must be God's little way of tying a permanent string on my finger. I have a very poor habit of shutting out and blacking out things and never emerging wiser. Perhaps this was God's little reminder to grow up and wisen up a bit. Perhaps this is a little secret I have to deal with for a longer time.

Trust me to be so deeply thoughtful about a mangled knee. Most likely, its just a stupid fall. Trust me to be so immersed in. But what was I thinking? And I was thinking, and its my fault. Someday, some people will be in on my little secret. They will snicker and giggle, all this from - THAT. I'll just shrug and smile. Oh well thats me.

Oh by the way, I hope you were not really hoping to be in on the secret, for then it would cease being one.

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