What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I Hate

Kanye West
Boys with pants falling of their asses
Girls with tits hanging out their blouses
Tiny yippy spoilt little furry dogs
Insecure whimpery people
Holier thanst thou preachers
Bad Drivers
Bleeding heart liberals
Ass brained conservatives
Uptight society people
Asinine bastards
People who ruin sarcasm and continue to do so
Sparkling vampires
Long nosed intrusive desis
OMG India is so great desis
OMG America is so great desis
People who are clingy
People who act too smart
People who go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
People with babies in movie theaters
Whiny fags
Pretenders and fakers
Ditzy dumb bimbos
Stupid man whores who suck up to ditzy dumb bimbos
People who have no life
People who have too much on their plate
Harley bikers
Bull dykes & man hating lesbians
Women with no class
Women with too much class
Gold diggers
Bitter people
Nauseatingly sweet people
One click popularity systems
False worshipers
People who never learn
People who think they know too much
People who laugh for no reason
People who think their laughing is cute
Ditzes who laugh and dumb shit
Self absorbed people
Genuine bitchies
People in cliques
Internet Trolls
......... and a whole lot more

I hate everybody equally. Equal opportunity hatred.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Devilish Blasphemy

Got Heathen?
Will save soul!
The Gospel Makes Good Weapons!

I think I have been slowly learning why we intellectual nerds are often fixated on the impending doom of Zombie apocalypses. We spend a lot of time reading books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, the Zombie survival guide; watch all the zombie flicks, and play video games killing Natzi zombies. There actually is a darn good reason that we do it. You see legend has it that zombies feast on brains. Yes they feed on the flesh, but fresh brains they crave. Considering that we are the only people in the world left with any, its a good reason for us to be scared.

Picture Caption: Sunday School

These book thumpers can predict any prophetic doom they desire like mysterious plagues, curses and raptures. It is only we intellectuals who know that while the mindless book thumping freaks get plagued by the infestation and turn into blood thirsty zombies craving for the delicious brains they never had, we will be the ones succeeding earth and fighting for survival. I mean sometimes when you look at these book thumpers, don't you get the feeling that they are almost 90% there into zombiedom. The glazed glassy look in their eyes. That movement in rabid flock. The repeating of the same nonsensical phrases. That inhumane anger.

I've understood that if I am most likely to die at the hands of a lynch mob, there are plenty of morons out there likely to get bitten by a mad cow and turn into ravaging zombies. They do not eat cow, but they are almost there.

Picture Caption: Warriors of God studying best angles to throw the gospel for maximum impact.

So until the zombie infestation sets in, I try my best to inject some brains into the lifeless masses floating around on earth. As Annie Camden once described her daughter Mary 'diabolical but good'. I am one of those Satan's little saints. Diabolique is my name, riling is my game, saving souls is my claim to fame. Thats why whenever I place a bet or give out loans, I ask people to stake their eternal souls. I've collected quite a few souls all these years. People will be glad theyir eternal goodness is in such capable hands.

Its not easy trying to singlehandedly save the world with rationality. People are averse to it. They are Hillary Faye filled with God's love and are ready to fling the scriptures at you, right at the back of your head when you turn away in disgust. Thats how they fill you with God's love.

They often tell me I am going to go to hell. Welcome to the ninth gate I say. Hell is just as good as any place on earth. Honestly, I'm kind of terrified of going to heaven. A lot of weird, twisted, strange people rooting to go to heaven. It seems to be a very scary place. I'm creeped out by the people I might meet in heaven. As far as I know, all good people I have known so far are apparently going to hell. So I think its a safe bet. They say we will be tortured in hell. I'm just picturing it to be either one large S&M club or filled with people who tease but do not put out. As I say, just as good as any place on earth. We also hear things like hot as hell and cold as hell. I'm picturing the hot and cold cancelling each other out and making it delightfully pleasant.

Some of you must be wondering why I'm terrified of people in heaven. Well you know, I just learned that if these heavenly people were allowed to rule the world - Middle Earth would be no more and the Galactic Empire would have taken over the Universe by now.

For example I was made aware of an important caveat that even the noblest and greatest of heroes on whose shoulder the fate of the world lies on is not allowed to say no to his father. Can you imagine the disastrous consequences of such rules. The entire universe would spin out of alignment.

Picture this - Luke Skywalker is battling Darth Vader at Bespin. Han Solo lays frozen in Carbonite. Leia is torn apart. Chewy is devastated.

Lord Vader: I am your father Luke.
Luke: No
Lord Vader: Its true. Obi-Wan lied.
Luke: O Rly?
Lord Vader: Now come join the dark side. Let us fight side by side father and son.
Luke: Yoda 1, Verse 23 Obey thy father. I understand and obey father.

Oh what a catastrophe. Looks like Empire really struck back and there will be no return of the Jedi.

Photo Caption: Darth Vader pulls out his ace card and tempts Frodo with a slice of heaven for being a dutiful son.

Picture this - Frodo and Sam have traveled across perilous terrain, battled death, and force ahead to Mordor. Two small insignificant hobbits, with the fate of the entire world in their hands. Trudging forward with the hope, that there is some good left in this world. By destroying the ring they can save the world.

Frodo: Let us go, please!
Sam: Let the Captain of Gondor show his quality.
FaRAMir: Fuck quality. My father wants the fucking ring, he gets the fucking ring.
Frodo: Please the fate of middle earth depends on this.
FaRAMir: Fuck Middle Earth. Middle Earth can go to hell. Obedient sons go to heaven.
Sam: Do we know if heaven and earth exist for Middle Earth.
FaRAMir: Fuck you! Don't question the rule of God.

Meanwhile Arwen also listened to her father and left Middle Earth. Aragorn was heartbroken and refused to fight. Minas Tirith was crushed. And thus Sauron used scripture to plunge middle earth into his darkness. So you see what I mean terrifying. It makes our adorable little Faramir more schizo than Gollum and the lovable Luke cackle like the Emperor.

Picture Caption: FaRAMir asks Frodo to give him the fucking ring.

Blasphemy. Its whats for dinner. Ticket to hell was never funnier. For God gave you brains, and wants you to use it. Opposable thumbs, biotches suck on it. Middle fingers, respectable salutes to my friends. Hope you survive heaven. Its a party in hell for us.

Disclaimer: No Zombies or zombie books harmed in this project, even if they deserved to be bludgeoned. If you do not have a sense of humor, you have been deeply offended by this and I am sorry. Not for offending you, but because God failed to give you a sense of humor. I am diabolical, but still good. If you get what that means, you understand the tender soul within. From the bottom of my heart, may you live long and prosper.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Blue Pill (Do Not Wake Me Up)

This was originally conceived and written by me on October 12th 2008. After a years worth of hibernation on facebook, it has aged enough to come out more publicly. Obviously one year later I have no idea why I wrote this. Something tells me its something to do with the matrix. It might also have something to do with the oncoming election. What do I know, honestly?

They tried to sell me the truth, the truth would set me free
I had been asleep for too long, and it was time to open my eyes
simple is the price to pay for opening a world infinite
laying down entering the world I confine myself to the mind
there is no glory in sustaining inertia
preserving the soul from the forces abound, perpetual is the need for motion
molded by the power of knowledge, they tried to make a trade with me
that one ought not remain in rest and peace
stay a vassal of selfish contentment, when even the blind can see
that I am the lesser amidst the mortals
a jarring defect of asynchrony in the wheel of perfect harmony

They tried to sell me the truth, the truth would set me free
they tried to shake me awake with the even trade of freedom with freedom
foolish is denial, escape is cowardice complete
courage epitomized by investing the price
to open ones eyes in the truth of the world that we live in
emerge from the shadows of slumber
to the light of the life that offered glory to bask in
transform from a scion of villainous schemes
into a hero with the vision of conformity
melt myself in the baptismal fire of judgment, forge myself into the spoke
falling in alignment rotating along the way it was designed to be

They tried to sell me the truth, the truth would set me free
to swallow the red pill of knowledge, pay the price of freedom
but the world that they offer is not really free
it is the cage of glass that opens to a field of dreams stretching endlessly
untouched hyperopic in vision myopic in movement
invisible walls and unnamed barriers holding back without touch
a world where everyone walks free undaunted unrestricted
absolute complete mortal freedom enshrined within truth
traded and purchased with a worthy price of eternity
the confinement of mind and soul
unfeeling uncaring unloving island of paradise

They tried to sell me the truth, the truth would set me free
telling me we are all entrapped cold steel encompassing me
what they did not tell me was that the truth was within me
the world I enter when I close my eyes
is created by me for me to be, to be able to be me
no walls hold back when I reach out and touch
ceaseless dreams bringing into life reality
slumber awakening a taste of forbidden freedom
the red pill will wake me up into truth rejuvenated and saved
the blue pill will cast me deeper into the the bliss of my sinful stupor
I chose the blue pill, do not wake me up, I live a dream, I sold my life and lived their lie.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Falling for fall!

One of the most beautiful aspects about living in the Midwest is being able to witness the changing of seasons. I've lived in the warmer tropical climates where summers get blisteringly hot and the winters remain mildly temperate. As much as I grew up loving the temperate climates for their lack of winter extremities the truth is there is something lacking. Warm tropical climates are static, the weather may change but it seems the world is limp and motionless at a boring standstill. Nothing changes at all.

Up here in Wisconsin our winter maybe bitter. However, the changes in the seasons more than compensate for the bitterness. Nothing is boringly constant. This is mother nature's spectacular canvas its a moving portrait of changing moods and colors. The beauty of changing seasons is an unparalleled feat. People in the south may boast of their joy and warmth, but deep down inside you know they envy us who get to enjoy the seasons. For the changing of season is love in its finest splendor.

The Tale of First Frost

Summer days are coming to an end. Persephone must leave the land above the grounds and Return to Hades. From his dark lair beneath he awaits her arrival. He blows her a kiss, reminding her of their love. His kiss travels across the lands to meet Persephone, his bated breath chillingly cold. It envelops the land with glistening coolness, slowly covering the earth carpets with a chilly hue. Now the green grass is frosted, with a filmy cold hue.

The breath maybe dark and cold. Such bleakness is not the warmth that one believes to be love. Its a different kind of love. One simply has to open their hearts and minds to look closer and deeper. Its dark and cold, but its stunning indeed. Hades has covered the paths with jewels, crystalline specks of intricate pattern cling to the blades of glass waiting to be found. Delightful patterns fleeting, that will dissipate in moments, making them precious than gold or diamonds.

And no wonder Persephone is happy. She prepares to take her leave of the mortal world. Against the perfection of the clear blue sky she decorates the world, top down. In the next few weeks she will paint the world with hues and colors, of red, green, yellow, auburn and gold. The grasses will also flicker and bloom. She will be gone soon, and the word will plunge into the chill of winter. However, through her colors she reminds us, that this is not loss - its love in its purest form. She wants us to gaze at the colors that adorn the world and rejoice and celebrate.

Sunsets and summers and beaches are all fine, but there is nothing more beautiful about love then wondrous world of winter magic to come.