What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

When the Heathen fasts (Day 1)

Last night as I lay in bed restlessly, I was struck by an idea. I wanted to experience fasting and decided to keep a fast akin to what Muslims keep for Ramadan this week. It is for personal experience and by no means to mock or disrespect Islamic rituals.

The last time I kept this fast was ages ago when I was in school. It was just for a couple Fridays and to keep friends company. The fast ended at about 6 PM. I had also kept a Maun Vrat or day of silence back in the day. Every now and then I am bitten by this fascination to experience something different and see what it feels like.

Anyway, it is years later now. Back then I was very fit and active. Now I have turned into an American slob who is perpetually snacking and shoving food down my throat. Moreover, the fast lasts all the way till 8:15 PM this time around. Most people who keep such fasts have something that matters, faith and belief that helps them persevere. I'm a heathen. I don't believe in rituals or that any benefit comes from rituals. I am skeptical about everything prescribed by religion in general.

So what happens when the heathen fasts, lets find out what happened on the first day.

I woke up at 7:30 AM. The sun was up. I figured I missed the morning window of opportunity to eat and drink. I figured later that the fast begins approximately at 5:15 ish approximately. There is no way I am waking up that early to eat. Most mornings my mom takes the dog out. She had to work early so this was my task. So from 8 - 9 AM I spent an excruciating hour in the sun. You see unfortunately, I don't have a dog who can just do their business in fifteen. She needs to be worn out real good or else she will be too hyper. Usually these walks are alright as there is water in the park and then delicious cool water when I get home. Today there was no hope of that.

It was not too bad. I came home poured food and water for my dog and crashed. Watched TV for a bit, Food Network which was cruelly sadistic and then decided to sleep. I slept almost till 1 PM. It was a good peaceful sleep. No dream of cheeseburgers or water.

At 1 PM, I had another task on hand. Mowing the lawn. I don't think the original fasters had lawns in mind. Maybe they did rake their sands like a pretty Zen sand Garden, which I don't think was as labor intensive. The last few times I've mowed the lawn, I've come back and sprawled on the wooden floor like the Virtuvian man after consuming a gallon of cool water. It was a blistering day. But for being a heathen, I must have done something to please the Gods as they formed a dark cloud cover to keep me cool while I went about my mandatory chore. Those dark clouds were not meant to be there, they left as soon as I was done.

Then some IF, a cooling shower and then lazing around. Got yelled at by mom and sister for my stubborn endeavors like fasting. Final task came at 6:45 when I embarked on my second walk with Aria. It was blistering and my sister suggested taking water. But I cannot drink I protested. For the dog stupid, she told me. Ah yes, the dog. The way she salivates at the thought of food, she could not fast for an hour. She can meditate on the deck for hours, but fasting not her style. I think she follows some Eastern Zen religion of the fat laughing Buddha. I decided to keep walking and walking and admiring the greenery and reaching home just in time to eat. Had to make four pit stops to give the dog a drink. Ah the cruelty.

Came home and had Chinese take out. I don't think its the recommended or traditional food to break the fast - but thats what my sister craved. I thought I would be devouring food like a pig, but I could manage only a modest meal. Now that I am well fed and hydrated it does not feel too bad.  I shall hydrate myself very well before going to bed again. There is no lawn mowing in the agenda tomorrow, but I have to survive the mall. Then next week it is working and the evil candy bowl. Hopefully, no one brings donuts.

Lessons from Day 1

1) I know now why most Muslims don't own dogs.
2) I wonder if they just let their lawns grow wild for a month. I wonder if they are in the market for no-mow fescue.
3) What the fuck do they do for a dry chronic cough. I usually drink hot tea, but that option is out the door.

There is actually more than just experience to this. Its a personal journey, an understanding between me and the force. The force knows why I do things, and I will see what the force says. For now the force has been kind. Perhaps heathens like me can run on our own mortality and mortal desires.

No comments: