What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ten Awesomely Awesome Endings for DMG

I wrote this post in good humor a long time back when it was announced DMG would end. Going by my better judgment, I decided not to post it to avoid arguments in an already chaotic forum. So here is the post in its full glory.

I don't watch DMG. However, in my short term as moderator here; I have learned a whole lot. For example I used to think American politics was polarized between the liberals and conservatives, red state, blue state. Boy was I wrong, shiver me timbers, if the polarization of DMG was the landscape of American politics then forget the secession and civil war would seem like a relaxing day by the pool side. I used to be terrified of the likes of Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin and their tea partying followers. But now I shudder at the thought of tea parties, coffee parties, breakfast clubs, supper club, milk and cookie parties, cookie and milk parties and all the factions that potentially could be partying. It is not all bleak though. It has been a positive experience. Most importantly, I know that if they ever bring a crappy DA on Law & Order or if they eliminate my favorite contestant on DWTS, I can take it up with Congress. In fact if they eliminate Bristol Palin, I will make it a legislative issue of highest order. Sarah Palin will back me. 

Unfortunately, the show is coming to an end and its not easy for some to let go. Moreover, there is some issue with the ending. Its not appealing to all people, and we are approaching that uncivil war point. So in return for all the invaluable experience and knowledge gained through DMG, I thought it apt to make a Lincolnesque gesture to create some antebellum peace.

Here is my contribution – 

Ten awesomely awesome endings that should make everyone like so totally happy

The Inception - Chris Nolan's sci-fi caper has been the most talked about film of the year. How awesome is the concept of shared dreams, stealing/planting ideas and just totally (censored) with our minds? The show ends with a group of a dozen most ardent DMG fans waking up in the CV lab. That was  one heck of a shared dream that spanned two seasons. Too bad the dosage was incorrect and they woke up before we could know the end.
Spinoff Potential: DMG stars share a dream and entangle fans in amorous twists and capers. Ah sweet revenge. 

The Seventh Heaven – This happy family soap drama started out with Eric and Annie Camden and their kids, by the end of it most Camden kids had gone on to bigger and better things. The process is simple introduce one new character and story arc ever episode. By the time the show is done the audience is like SR/AR? Who SR/AR? Were they even on the show?

Spinoff Potential: The show started in Sanjeevani hospital, and now it is about some volunteer workers in rural India. Nothing matters, the show just goes on in tangents.

The X-Files – Alright X-files fans were finally appeased when their beloved Fox Mulder came back after being abducted by aliens. But the opposite can work very well too. Just have aliens come in and abduct the three leading stars. If you loved them pretend that the aliens gifted each their own planet to rule. If you hated them pretend that the aliens conducted very nasty experiments on them.
Spinoff Potential: A science fiction show with DMG stars lost in Space. Captain Vyom anyone?

The Hannah Montana – She has the best of both worlds, chilling out slow, then she rocks out the show. If ordinary girl Miley Stewart can live in her two worlds, then why can't our Riddhima. Sometimes a girl just needs to chill one day and rock out the next. I'm not sure Disney would approve, but this really is not about Disney.

Spinoff Potential: Pick your poison – Big Love or Desperate House Husbands?

The Star Wars – Can you imagine the plight of Luke and Leia shippers after they discovered that the couple were actually brothers and sisters? As a child I was a Luke and Leia shipper and have spent my adulthood in denial. Either way, pulling a Star Wars is the most awesomely sadistic thing to do, a double whammy is even better. In a devilish twist of fate both Arman and Sid turn out to be Doctor Gupta's illegitimate sons.  If you thought EMA was too much, boy are you in for a heart attack.

Spinoff Potential: An animated series called the "Intern Wars". It's about all those other people in hospitals who do surgeries, treat patients and all that jazz.  \

The Law & Order – What do you do if you are Dick Wolf and need to get rid of a character, but raving fan following might have you get her back? Simple, kill her off. Haha not really. She simply pretends to get killed so that she can get into victims protection plan with a fake identity and bust a gang of drug lords and then magically reappear. Riddhima has uncovered a heinous organ transplant racket and fakes her death and goes undercover. Both Armaan and Sid mourn her (fake) death. 

Spinoff Potential: A crime drama busting illegal rackets. For some reason Riddhima is a trained detective

The Jenny Schecter – Popular lesbian soap drama ended with the dead body of one of the main characters found floating in a pool. While the show ended, it did not matter who ended up coupling with whom and who had slept with whom on the chart. What really mattered was who killed Jenny Schecter? So we end with the dead body of Riddhima found floating in a pool. The question is not if she slept with Armaan or Sid. The real question is who killed her? Armaan or Sid? 

Spinoff Potential: First  the interrogation tapes are aired as an India forums exclusive. Then if a channel picks it up we carry on the show with Armaan and Sid in the slammer. Maybe we can have some Keller/Beecher action like Oz. 

The How I met your mother – The plot device of this hit comedy is amazing. It is hard to imagine that this wildly popular series is all about this one guy telling his kids how he met their mother. All these seasons and he has met a whole lot of people, but not the mother yet. While the show is fabulous, you wonder what does all this have to do with meeting the mother. Anyway, in our take on it DMG ends with Armaan and Sid telling their kids "And that is how we met your dear aunt Ridz". Bang! Kapow! She is just the Robin. A love interest, a friend but NOT THE MOTHER.

Spinoff potential: Stay tuned kids, because we still need to find out who the mother is. Hopefully, both Armaan's and Sid's kids have two separate mothers. But who knows….. 

The Lost Survivor- This one packs the power of two in one. Lost is just was one of those oh so intriguing mysterious shows, and we simply enjoy celebrities enduring torture of bugs and snakes in the wilderness. So why not end the series finale with a plane carrying all three leads crash on a desert island and leave them stranded.

Spinoff potential: We could make it a reality show with all three fighting for survival on that island. Who gets the girl? Why don't we do an old school battle? Whoever builds the hut, starts the fire, hunts the food and cooks the meal gets the girl. We could extend the battle for eternity.

The General Hospital – Ah G.H! The revered God of all hospital soaps!! There is nothing like G.H.  It probably started when our grandparents were conceived and is still going on. Their secret to their success is total drama. Like so totally drama. Armaan, Sid, and Riddhima all get into a massive car accident. Arnaan dies but not without donating his brain, heart, lungs and liver to Riddhima. But he is not totally gone, he is cryogenically frozen. Meanwhile, Sid survives  but his face is totally mangled. It is reconstructed with plastic surgery but now he looks like Armaan. Now SR and AR fans can be happy because we have a bizarre case of SARs. He looks like Armaan, talks like Armaan, acts like Armaan – but it really, really, really, really is Sid and you just don't ditch someone who went through all that trauma and surgery. Remember looks don't matter.

Spinoff Potential: Hey why spinoff? It never ends remember? Years down the line Riddhima dies of a new pandemic. A distraught Sid plans to bring her back to life. He grafts her remnants onto Armaan's cryogenically frozen body and then conducts Frankenstein like experiments to electrocute the AR mutant back to life. Now Sid and Riddhima are united and continue their love forever. But remember Sid looks like Armaan now and Riddhima is actually grafted onto Armaans cryogenically frozen body brought back to life. Its like a whole lot of Armaan on Armaan action, almost twincest if you will. It is SR, AR, AS, SS, AA everything you will all rolled in one. Now that's what I call awesome.

The above suggestions were written in good humor with the intention of bringing out a few laughs and hoping that people forget and set aside their petty bickering for a while and laugh at the whole absurdity of it all. Hopefully, people take it in the right spirit and no one is offended.

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