What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Suffering Islamophobia?

You have hope!

What is Islamophobia?

It is an acute specialized strain of hypochondria. The patient is always perpetually alarmed over the thought of Islam. A harmless rabbi or a bearded deer hunter in fatigues can cause severe panic attacks. This rare strain of hypochondria is a genetic disorder amidst some Americans, especially Americans aligning with the Tea Party movement. Although, it has been found in other nationalities and political beliefs as well. Symptoms are usually asinine ignorance and ludicrous inductive leaps like Peter King. In worst cases IQ is reduced to that of the likes of Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachman. It is non fatal except in cases where people jumped out of vehicles due to the presence of brown colored or bearded passengers, or children playing with different looking toys.

But there is hope!

You are an American. You suffer the dreadful disease of Islamophobia. You worry that extremism is eating away at your country from within. You cannot travel in peace or even leave your house in peace. You worry that before you know it Sharia laws will be implemented in USA. If things don't change fast you are most likely to die of heart attack and blood pressure, rather than an act of terrorism. (Those wily bastards did figure out biological heart attack causing warfare). But there is hope. You might be American and irrational fear might be your middle name, but there is hope that someday you might be cured of this Islamophobia.

My Credentials

I'm a born and raised Hindu, a Hindu Brahmin to be precise. I went to a Catholic school, Fr. Agnels to be precise. Some of my best friends growing up were Muslim. My name is a Hebrew name. That qualifies me pretty significantly to clear up some bullshit religious stereotypes and misconceptions.

Lets begin with some baby steps.

Now that we have experienced some mildly gay-porn six pack exposure. Lets watch the full music video which was banned in Saudi Arabia for being to explicit. 

His name is Khan, Shahrukh Khan. He is the most well known Bollywood celebrity across the globe. His face has appeared on the covers of Time and National Geographic magazine. He has statues at Madame Tussauds. He makes men and women swoon over him. He is Muslim and was once upon a time randomly detained at a US airport, because Americans could not fathom the pure Godliness of one Muslim man.

This Muslim also studied in a Catholic school, St. Columbus in Delhi. To also be noted is that he married his childhood sweetheart, a Hindu woman in a traditional Hindu ceremony. Neither of them converted and their kids are being raised Hindu-Muslim.

There is more.

His name is also Khan, Salman Khan. He is another Bollywood superstar and Muslim. The following images are not from any movies or fake scenes. These are images of the everyday Salman Khan.

Above you see Salman Khan and his stepmom praying to Lord Ganesha, a Hindu deity. Salman Khan and his family celebrate the annual Ganesh Chaturthi Hindu festival, and conduct the religious rites. They are practicing Muslims and there are fatwas against them for this. However, Salman and his family celebrate this and other religious festivals for the spirit of embracing culture and secularism and their stepmom who is Anglo-Indian. Salman's older brother Arbaaz married a Punjabi Catholic. Despite being married to a Muslim, Malaika Arora Khan has full freedom to practice Catholicism and her kids are baptized Catholics.

The video above is Salman Khan's stepmom and a Muslim mans wife dancing one of Bollywood's most iconic cabaret numbers.

The video above is Salman Khan's sister-in-law and a Muslim mans wife dancing a classic Bollywood seductive item song. Both dancing with men.

There is more to the list of renown Muslim in the arts and entertainment from the subcontinent. It would be tedious to write details about them all. Movie stars: Aamir Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Fardeen Khan, Imran Khan,Zayed Khan, Feroze Khan, Sanjay Khan. Musicians - Zakir Hussain (tabla maestro), A.R Rahman (Oscar winning composer), Adnan Sami, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Ali Zafar, Atif Aslam (singers), Junoon (Rock Band), Lyricists - Gulzaar, Javed Akhtar (in fact Urdu is one of the most romantic and poetic languages, more so than French I would add).

Many will be more interested in women and Bollywood has a plethora of those as well. Some Bollywood legends like Nargis and Mumtaz were women. Today we have Soha Ali Khan, Tabu (Tabbasum Hashmi) and female Muslim models like Gauhar Khan and Negar Khan. Muslim women like Farah Khan and Zoya Akhtar are making movies.Eighties Pakistani pop legend was Nazia Hassan and today we have Annie and others.

And why yes, they do have pop concerts in Pakistan. That is Annie performing. Although subdued compared to western concerts, there sure as hell is no head scarves or face veils. But Mahiya deserves he music video as well.

Before I move on I cannot miss mentioning India's tennis sensation, sex symbol and Muslim female athlete Sania Mirza.

I also have to add that before Americans choose to point fingers at Muslims on mistreating women or having lower status for women, I have to point out that two Muslim nations Pakistan and Bangladesh have chosen to have women be the leaders of their nation, in the short span of their sovereign identities. In contrast over two centuries and Americans have still not found women capable enough. And puh-lease lets not compare the likes of Sarah Palin to the bold eloquence and intellect of people like Benazir Bhutto.

Or where is the progressive spirit, modernization and tolerance when a so called conservative Muslim country like Pakistan embraces cross dressing drag Queen Ali Saleem/Nawazish Ali as a beloved television talk show host while we Americans would violently shun such behavior?

But what about Muslims from outside the subcontinent.

Good question!

Lets start with a question for you. How would you react if this man sat next to you on a flight?

If you asked for an autograph, excellent decision.
If you yawned and slept, a fairly good choice.
If you covered in fear and prayed for safety from the terrorist. Shame on you.

This man is Hashim Amla, a South African cricket player. A soft spoken person, great cricketer and sportsman, and has a sparkling smile. Yes, he is of Indian origin. However, shame on people when they stereotype on appearances. It is even more shameful when South Africa a nation once rife with apartheid has made amends and has people of all races and religions cheering loudly for Amla when he bats. It is downright disgusting when our so called progressive nation choose to have trials on people expressing their faith, while the South African cricket board makes procedural exceptions in sports sponsorship to honor Amla's religious beliefs of alcohol prohibition.

How about if this man sat next to you.

If you asked for an autograph, you are a brave one.
If your face went white for seeing a ghost, you are but human.
If you yawned and slept, fair enough.
If you worried about terrorism, what the fuck is wrong with you dude?

That was a bit of a trick question. That man is not a Muslim, but legendary English cricket player W.G Grace. In cricketing worlds he is an icon. Amla has the best cricketing beard since W.G. Yes, he is a bit scary and gruff looking. But goes to show how appearances are deceptive. You thought a British bloke to be a terrorist.

Anyway, I won't go into Islam in cricket because that has to be another book.

But looking internationally what about Danish DJ Aligator (Iranian Aliasghar Movasati) or Danish pop duo Toy Box  (Iranian-Pakistani) or Swedish singer Arash (Iran-Azberijan) or Khaled (Algerian) or Amr Diab (Egyptan).

Pop Quiz again. What would you do if this beauty Queen sat next to you in the plane.

If you covered in fear, excellent, your fear of Muslims is at least consistent. If you did not, you found nothing wrong in the first Arabic-Indonesian Miss Indonesia a country that is 88% Muslim.

How about this beautiful family on your plane?

I hope you covered in fear because that is King Abdullah II of Jordan and his family. Lets take a look at their Muslim queen Rania of a Muslim nation.

Above you see two facets of a Muslim woman. One offering prayers at pilgrimage in Mecca, the other just up and about everyday.

Russian tennis player Dinara Safina is a Muslim.

So is American comedian Dave Chappelle.


Islamic terrorism and extremism is indeed a global concern at issue. However, the issue is not the religion itself, but the people who wield it. People may claim that Islam has violent verses or preaches violence. The execution of the text lies in interpretation. The Bible is another popular religious text that has been interpreted in different ways by so many different sects, and the Bible has its share of violence too. Even in my religion Lord Krishna urges Arjuna to wage righteous war against his enemies, who also happen to be kin, his cousins. We Hindus could interpret that as explicit violent war, but most of us are peaceful humans who interpret it as taking a peaceful stance for what we believe in. Most Muslims also happen to be peaceful people.

It is a myth that all Muslims are old fashioned, conservatives who insist on head scarves, face veils and polygamy. Islam actually has people of all races, from various cultures. In many parts it has adapted to local cultures and is also progressive and modern in many regions. Muslim activists across the globe are fighting against extremist leaders, against polygamy, for gay rights, womens rights etc. It is just that good people doing good things is not always news worthy. Every religion has its good and bad, the liberals and extremists, so it is with Islam.

You really cannot stereotype or profile people. There are whites, blacks, Asians, Arabs and Indians who are Muslims. An Arabic or Persian name also does not always signify Islam but could also be the names of Arabic Jews or Christians. Moreover, not all people who follow religious traditions like beards or head-scarves are extremist or even Muslim really. Think about rabbis, Sikhs and other religions who wear beards. Even amidst Hindu conservatives a veil or purdah is expected. Conservativeness does not translate to violence either. Even amidst Christians and Jews and every religion, we have some hard core believers who are the most peaceful people we can know.

Above all in times like today we ought to realize that Muslims across the globe are just people. They are just ordinary people, making an ordinary living. They too have dreams and goals and aspirations, just like us. And funnily enough just like we love our freedom and democracy, they value it just the way we do. That is why Muslim nations across the world are shunning authoritarian theocratic governments and seeking honest democratic governments. It is about time we started looking at the world, full of people just like us. It is about time we respected people and treated them based on their merit, not on our ignorant biases or assumptions.

We are all good reasonable people, and it is true the world is full of good people and bad people. We have good Christians, bad Christians, good Blacks, bad Blacks, good Asians, bad Asians, good Muslims and bad Muslims. We can be fair, meet the people, see what they stand for and then decide whether we can respect that or not. Stereotypes and persecution gains us nothing, but crumbles the fabric of our society with hurt and mistrust.

Friday, March 25, 2011

When Hunger Strikes!

Or doesn't?

Or does it?

Does it not or does it?

Either way Ian's pizza is delicious. They have some of the most deliciously awesome and creative toppings out there. Who would have thought of Mac & Cheese pizza? Ian's did and its a huge hit. Personally, I'm a fan of their cheesy potato which has crispy potato wedges smothered in gooey cheese. They also do Thanksgiving Pizzas, Shepherd's Pie and Chicken Pot pies pizzas. That is just a lot of good tasty stuff, impossible for the stomach and taste buds to resist.

It made me wonder how fortunate were the protesters in Madison who received these delectable of pizza slices from around the world. Surely they must have been virtuous in their past lives to be blessed and loved like this. It was not just the pizzas though. There were kind folks offering hot soups on the blistery cold days. There were sandwiches, snacks and all sorts of goodies offered. If not the free offerings of food, people were feasting on the dishes served by downtown restaurants (that is the good ones, not evil Walker supporters). Why I myself chugged some hot mochas from Steep & Brew, and held onto the warm coffee cup for comfort.

And with warm fuzzy thoughts of coffee wrapping my soul, and cheesy pizza building think insulating layers on my arteries, I begin to ponder the complexities of my life and situation in Wisconsin again. The truth is that Wisconsin, nay Fitzwalkerstan is totally fucked up. Scott Walker has us in a vice grip all bent over and the Fitzwalkerstan GOP is one big enormous massive gargantuan dick that is screwing us big time. Whats bad is not the screwing of the middle class, but the hordes of masochists who actually like it and want more. And I thought the conservatives were against sodomy.

I mean honestly this dude Walker has absolutely no ethics or integrity. First he attacks to disband unions and claims its a fiscal measure, then he refuses to negotiate despite all the concessions offered, then when halted by the fabulous 14 he ramrods the bill through as a non fiscal measure in complete violation of state laws, then when the court issues an injunction he merely says "fuck you" to the legal systems in place and does his own thing. Apart from all this he discredits teachers, public workers, sucks up to the wealthy and now has his goons...I mean well dressed gentlemen harassing and bullying intellectual critics. This dude is making the most corrupt Somalian official seem like Mr. Honesty.

Its horrible really, very horrible, but in my own bizarre masochistic way its kind of a homey feeling. Honestly, every politician is an ass hole really and every now and then some massive dick shows up as well, its about time that peachy 'America is a great nation, destined for greatness' delusion came off and people realized that Americans are just as fucked and mortal as the rest of the world. Going by the tide of things and the middle class destroying brigade, I find myself nostalgically wondering if American will also have slums and chawls, and mazes of dirty potholed streets when I retire. I do hope I can afford one with the attached bathroom, I really don't like public bathrooms. I also wonder if private school students will earn the right to be snotty and make fun of the immigrants and rednecks in cheap public schools as vernies. I might have to have kids just to experience the joys of feeling delusionally superior to other kids because the governments don't give a shit about their education.

Anyway, when I've digressed and deviated a lot like a fast bowler spraying the ball everywhere but the stumps. I started with food, pizza, Ian's pizza to be precise and I ought to get back to food. Despite everything that is messed up I think, I've finally discovered what sets USA apart from the rest of the world as a great nation.

The difference lies in food, pizza. What sets America apart is Ian's pizza and all other such striking goodies.

See in India these people's movements and 'hartals' take a whole different meaning. To lay the groundwork we subcontinentals are a culture of Fast, Pray, Love - in that order. We love fasting. There is a fast or vrat for every occasion. If you want something real bad you sacrifice food or other things for it. In fact the I kept a maun vrat (silence oath) for the India Pakistan quarter finals in 1996. We desi kids are raised on a staple diet of Independence movement stories and how Gandhiji and Bhagat Singh and other honored heroes fasted for days to end against the British regime. (PS: Gandhi's Satyagraha also requires abstinence and all other goodness). And don't be fooled by modernization, the hunger strike is still forceful in India with even Rakhi Sawant threatening hunger strikes if the system infringes on any of her asset displaying or being Rakhi Sawant rights.

So basically had Fitzwalkerstan been India (and it cannot because no Indian politician is that dumb shizzle to say I will destroy Unions, cut education, or propose tax breaks to Tata/Birla for their hard work) that would have meant marching on hot dreary days - which means that we would all actually be sweaty smelly slobs. ( I wonder if the conservatives would call Gandhi a slob or other nasty hippie names, his whitey whites were white as ever, but he was not your rich black tie businessman. Would Dyer be Koch, though). There would most definitely be a lathi charge upon us. Then we would go on some sort of hunger strike to protest the violence. We would pick a busy traffic intersection named after Shivaji (Washington Square???) and squat there for days, squat there for days not eating a bite - being hungry.

So basically no matter what
- The system will attack you
- Politicians will act selfishly
- The common man will always suffer

But, you are in America now! You will never go hungry, especially not for your principles, your principles will feed you - and if you are ever really broke junk is cheap and plentiful and will insulate your arteries for winter.

In essence the difference between USA and the rest of the world is a slice of pizza. And someday when my kids complain that there are sixty students in the class - I'll tell them that in my high school there were 120 in a class and I learned the art of sleeping while standing in a B.E.S.T bus - because no one was willing to eat pizza for a cause. I wonder if they plan to introduce board exams as part of the budget? The post board suicide rate should help unemployment by reducing the number of students who actually live to be 'working age'.

I think if this bill actually goes into effect and the political tide of the nation does not change - I'm considering a hunger strike. It could be like my heathen fasting on steroids. I'm not sure how much determination I have, but I figure if I last a few days it would count as some sort of diets. If I actually end up dying of hunger - I blame it on the conservatives, especially the pro-lifers (because they don't want you to die in the womb, they want you to come out and die - so they can see you suffer). I know I'm going to hell and when I do I'm going to get all the best advocates down there to give these people hell. They can claim my death as a 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% drop in unemployment rate as someone takes my place.

After a bit of absurdity and sarcasm, I'll end on a more sombre note. The United States of America is truly a great nation with its focus on people and their freedom. We the people here are lucky to be able to protest, voice our opinion, and organize for our beliefs. We are lucky that we do not have to suffer or go to extremes for our causes. Throughout history and even today, people lose sacrifice their lives so that the common man can have this 'freedom'. However, the integrity and honesty of our system and society is under attack. Even an anti-union, fiscal conservative who supports austerity measures ought to be able to see that the government in Wisconsin is rapidly crossing the line into dangerous territory. We have to act now to fix things and restore the spirit and meaning of our freedom. Otherwise, maybe not our children or grandchildren - but somewhere down the line Americans might have to go to extremes or even lose their life for basic rights.

PS: Although if push comes to shove. I do advocate a good old fashioned desi bandhs. I recommend losing the socialist signs though. I fear the go green movement does not gel well here either. (Too bad India's preamble states its a sovereign, socialist, secular, democratic republic. USA is anti-socialist, anti-secular. Get your guns out tea-party. Palin is visiting a socialist republic).

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Nuclear Option

Ann Coulter recently said that 'Nuclear radiation is good for you'. In fact she wrote a column titled 'Glowing Report on Radiation' citing the incredible medical benefits of nuclear radiation. A lot of liberal media pundits are fuming at her comments. There has been a lot of rage and debate about it. People are fretting at her ignorant statements, that trivialize the catastrophe that looms people when there is a nuclear meltdown.

I'm not on that bandwagon though. I stand with Ann Coulter on this one, and I am willing to take everyone on for it. Ann is right. Nuclear radiation is good for Anne Coulter. It is good for Anne Coulter and all loyal her supporters. In fact I want to go the extra mile for Anne. I want to raise funds for the Anne Coulter radiation clinic. It will be highly secure and exclusive clinic that serves radiation. It will be just like a tan salon, where you lay in a tanning bed and get yourself that bronze tan. Except in this case the bed will be pelting you with all sorts of radioactive wave and emissions. Anne gets a free one hour session everyday, for a lifetime. As will all her supporters. I'm really hoping all my liberal friends will soon back me on this one and set up a service to provide free 'nuclear radiation' spa treatments to our conservative friends. It will be money worth spend. Scott Walker gets a bonus hour every session.

Not to be opportunistic, but if Fukushima does have that meltdown - I would like to charter a plane so that Anne and her friends can sky dive to derive the benefits or radiation. If I had the tens of thousands to do that for her, I'd do it in the blink of an eye.

Then my favorite Mad Hatter Glenn Beck went on to say ""I'm not saying God is, you know, causing earthquakes – well I'm not not saying that either! What God does is God's business, I have no idea. But I'll tell you this – whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus, there's a message being sent.”

And then the audio Mad Hatter Rush Limbaugh stated  "The Japanese have done so much to save the planet. He’s right. They’ve given us the Prius. Even now, refugees are still recycling their garbage, and yet Gaia levels them [laughs], just wipes them out. Wipes out their nuclear plants, all kinds of radiation. What kind of payback is this? That is an excellent question. They invented the Prius. In fact, where Gaia blew up is right where they make all these electric cars. That’s where the tsunami hit. All those brand-new electric cars sitting there on the lot. I like the way this guy was thinking. It’s like — it’s like Gaia hit the Prius in [inaudible]. It’s like they were in the crosshairs, if we can use that word, it does. What is Gaia trying to tell us here? What is the mother of environmentalism trying to say with this hit? Great observation out there, Chris"

I hear both frequent tea drinkers of the Mad Tea Party believe that God does not like environmentally conscious people. That is why I want to start a Beck and Limbaugh Godly home fund. I want to build them a massive massive mansion on the Gulf Coast that spans land and sea. Housed inside this mansion will be the new proposed Gulf Coast nuclear plant and their swimming pool that stretches out into sea will have oil rigs dotting the landscape. There will be fishing sections in their large pool where they can fish gulf shrimp to fry in pure crude oil. That would be another worthy investment I believe. That house will be so huge, they can host all of Wall Street for a party. They use spent fuel rods as bar stools.

Important Disclaimer: We all have our beliefs and differences. Sometimes we passionately stand for what we believe, and sometimes we all get carried away and lock horns. However, despite all our differences, at the core of it all are humans. We all experience the human condition, of being human and a part of this world. I don't know why natural disasters strike, I don't know if God or mother earth wants to punish us. What I do know is that when disaster strikes like the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, its an opportunity for us to be human again. To feel the pain of others and cry a few tears, to be anxious and pray or hope or wish for the good of strangers across the globe. To turn to whatever you believe in to find a way to help and spread hope. Most importantly to set aside our differences and say that in times of need we will be there for each other no matter what.

I don't want anyone to experience nuclear radiation. I don't want anyone to have to bear the risk of cancer and permanent health damages. Not even Ann Coulter or anyone whom I disagree with, no matter how passionately I disagree with them. I want them to have safe, happy, and healthy lives.Although, I will say what we say and do in times like this really sets apart who the real humans are and what everyone stands for. We come to know those that genuinely give back, and those that think for themselves only.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Daily Prophet

Lord Voldemort Stands with Scott Walker: Says Dumbledore is a mud-blood sympathizing thug.

Wisconsin Republicans join Deatheaters: We will beat Obama in 2012 says Bellatrix.

Why subsidizing pure-bloods, taxing the mud-bloods, squibs and mudblood sympathizer will enhance wizard economy by Lucius Malfoy. 

Gringotts is broke and insolvent says Voldemort ministry. We must dismantle the Goblin Union to protect wizard assets. Goblins claim Gringotts safer and stronger than ever. 

Dolores Umbridge releases new Hogwarts Budget

  • Muggles will have to now pay higher fees. Wizarding not a muggle right, they ought to earn it. 
  • Defense Against Dark Arts, Muggle Studies, Divination, Herbology, Care of Magical creatures amidst programs slash. Why waste funds on defense against Dark Arts when the ministry protects says Umbridge. 
  • Quidditch and Hogsmeade trips and other school activities face severe cuts. Children need education not activities says Umbridge.
  • Plans to cease contracts of tenured teachers like McGonagall and Severus Snape. Azkaban Dementors willing to teach for much less says ministry. 
  • Pure blood parents applaud increase in Dementors on Staff. Its only lazy, greedy mudbloods that will fear changes. 
  • Torture of students reinstated as most cost effective disciplinary alternative. 
  • Rumors of splitting Hogwarts from the Triwizard system.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


My sister has filed a motion against me for plagiarism of thought in my Circle of Life post. Should I choose to ignore her motion she will be assigning herself the privilege of gloating over my alleged lack of originality. Her complaint is that the said post came out of a heart to heart discussion with her on politics and our life in general. Her claim is that many of her ideas were hers.

Anyway, to put the matter to rest. As sisters we are as different as chalk and cheese. We could not be more as people. As grown ups we have learned to meet each other half way, but we spent a good part of our younger days believing we loathed each other. There are however, some things we actually do agree on like - the Food Network being an awe inspiring channel, Law & Order is the greatest show etc. While she is politically more moderate she also will agree that Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman are a disaster and Palin/Bachman can be America's worst nightmare, the Tea-Party is a bunch of loony loony bins that make the Mad Hatter seem uncannily reasonable, and of course Scott Walker is a douche bag.

Being a blogger, I was was the one who chose to crystallize a lot of thoughts into words. But we share many thoughts that I expressed in Circle of Life. We both have evolved from the people we were in India, to the politically aware and active people we are today. We both are grateful to the way our family, especially how our mom raised us so that we have a deep appreciation for society and what we ought to give back.

As a matter of fact, I think my sister ought to be given a lot of credit for how much more different person I am. I was an adult when I came to USA and my mind was made up to be ignorant and apathetic about politics or the greater social, economic scheme of things. I was intent on living my life. I was perfectly fine being apathetic towards the war in Iraq even though it did not gel with me, and I would have been content to never speak up or never even vote.

It was then my sister who was just a teenager who told me about her and her friends protesting the war, being heard. It was my sister who asked questions and pricked my conscience, asked questions that brought to the front of my mind my opinions. Without her prodding me those 7-8 years ago, I would have not been aware of what changes I wanted in the world, and that I am responsible to make the difference.

That being said even with politics we have vast differences. She is the realist and quite cynical really. While I'm the idealist and over the top optimist really. I always think of the best possible outcomes and always have tons of faith and hope. She doubts that people can make a difference, or sometimes that people care enough. While I always have eternal belief in humans and the human condition, that ultimately even the worst of us will do the right thing, or something right the least. She is the moderate temperate person who sees both sides, and I'm the emotional one who sees with my heart.

Most importantly, and I'm not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing - but I'm the one who has a bit of eccentricity, a dash of political-incorrectness, a touch of sarcasm, and sometimes just a whole lot passion and craziness. I can't forget that one of my childhood dreams and my deepest darkest desires is to be dictator of the world. That puts a dent in my good intentions, I suppose. But in my defense, we are up against a bunch of crazies really. No human with an ounce of intellect would fall for the claims of Scott Walker or the tea-partying mad hatters of politics. I mean we have people taking raving lunatics like Glenn Beck seriously, I mean I can link Jesus Christ and Satan with one click, let alone his crazy charts. I think we could do by dishing some ounces of crazy back. Actually rather than a dictator, Its more like a global mommy who delivers a smack know and then to make bad kids behave and then have them hug and make up. I just want the world to be happy kindergarten class with plenty of nap time, candy and crayons.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Change of Location

Considering all that has been going on the past three weeks, I should have expected that I would no longer be a free citizen in Wisconsin. While I remain in the same location as always, it appears that it is no longer the same. As our state representative Mark Pocan explained, the Imperial Walker has dictated a new name for our state "Fitzwalkerstan". (Note: The free is debatable, but I still like to believe I am free. The citizenship is certain, I have proof, its kosher and legal, but I might look illegal. I'm ok with deporting though, just try to get the country right you ignoramus maximus tea cups - I'm not a Paki or Mexican)

How did this happen?

People: Someone set up us the Walker Bomb
Union: Main street turn off
Walker: All your union base are belong to us
Walker: You have no chance to survive, retire or perish in time
People: For great justice
(and for great justice people shall fight)

Until then all your base, union or not belong to Imperial Walker of Fitzwalkerstan

I wonder if this is the only change of location I shall have. I'm not so sure about 'United States of America'. I mean 'United' just sounds so together, so collective, gosh darn it so "uniony". It is even scarier when you figure out that we are a 'federal' government. Wikipedia defines federalism as a group of members bound together by a covenant. Sounds much like a union contract to me.

My first guess was that we ought to be relocated to 'Confederate States of America'. Them tea parties really love their confederate flags. But hose dreams were dashed when I looked up confederation. Wikipedia defined confederation as - an association of sovereign member states that, by treaty, have delegated certain of their competences (or powers) to common institutions, in order to coordinate their policies in a number of areas, without constituting a new state on top of the member states. Under international law a confederation respects the sovereignty of its members and its constituting treaty can only be changed by unanimous agreement.

That kind of sounds even more terrifying. Not only is there this massive ugly union contract, but the union members literally destroy the company they work for their own interests. It does not stop there, it goes even further by binding the union members to something that cannot be changed without unanimous agreement. 

 Union thug with Union contracts: Sam Adams

I guess its going to be tough to bust this union of gosh so many decades. It all started when the greedy union thug Samuel Adams demanded all sorts of representations and concessions, without taxations. He said that the East India Company was rolling in record profits, and that King George III could part with some of his precious crown jewels for a change. He did so completely disrespecting the great institution of crown jewels, and all the people the crown had to loot to gain them. Moreover he is completely out of touch with the efforts the CEO's of the East India Company do to colonize countries and generate labor, literally saving countries across the world by offering their services. They deserve to bear fruit of their hard work.

So Samuel Adams resorted to blackmail and union thuggery. When the King refused him his Union break to sip tea, he turned violent and out of control and tossed all tea in the sea. 'Let them drink salty-tea' he said callously. The crown estimated 7.5 million in salty tea damages, which was an exaggeration the thugs lied.

Union Mob Boss: George Washington

You would think that they would stop after destroying the very sanctity of tea that served them, but over time a Union mob boss George Washington got really really greedy. He made his Union thugs make war with King George so that he could establish Union rule and become the First President and CEO of his unionized states. 

That is why Sarah Palin and her comrades (ouch) formed the tea-party to remind us of the union thuggery and how they made us drink salty tea. If we do not stand with these comrades in their quest to destroy evil unions, then we all will have to drink really bad chai tea lattes that are made with organic whole milk from grass fed free range cows. *shudder*

Rumor has it that that the tea parties have colluded for the greatest Union busting act for the century. As we speak David Cameroon and the Crown are proposing a bill that will essentially disband all Unions and restore the order of no representation and middle class taxation across the commonwealth. Soon the good kind hearted souls like Imperial Walker, Scott Fitzgerald, Glenn Beck, Mike Huckabee and all will be sipping tea served in fine china along with hot buttered scones and cucumber tea sandwiches - as a reward for their hard work. 

Oh what has this all done to me. Star wars shall never be the same. I can't ever drink Coke due to Koch. Every time I walker, the citizen ligaments and organs of my body feel betrayed. Its the worst when you can't even enjoy a nice hot cup of chai, because of the destruction of the name of 'tea'. 
I propose Anu Malik sing Garam Chai ki pyali at all tea party conventions.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Circle of Life

Life has its funny little ways of catching up with you. No matter what you are running from, life makes you run in wide circles and come face to face with it all over again. It is like a sadistic game of deja-vu. Remember how you swore as a child, you would never turn into your mom or dad. However, years down the line you find yourself becoming more and more like them. In fact it is almost as if you are undergoing metamorphosis to exactly turn into them. After ten plus years in the United States, after having believed to have left a lot behind, after running away from several things, today I find myself undergoing that ironic metamorphosis.

Unlike many people across the world who immigrate to the United States, our family did not 'need' to immigrate. By the grace of God we were quite well off. People before us had worked hard to get to a good place in life. In fact we honestly did were not that keen on immigration either. When people ask us what brought us to the United States, we don't really have a good answer. To tell the truth, it really was a total crap shoot. We rolled the dice not caring about the outcome. We rolled the dice, got United States and here we were.

We were definitely not wealthy by any means. In fact our lives were that of the average middle class Indian, simple and modest. I took the bus to college, watched movies in cheap theaters and glued back the soles of my shoes instead of buying new ones. However, every now and then the well off factor came to play like I received H.S.C mark sheets for science and arts, when I clearly remember studying and sitting for the arts stream only. I was pretty loopy those days, but not so much as to give a series of six grueling papers and not know it. Well of came in little perquisites here and there. I would have got the admissions and jobs I desired.

In fact the last resounding reminder of well off came a few hours before I boarded the plane to change countries of residence. The customs official saw a less than ordinary dorky eighteen year old and her younger sister flying abroad, and thought he had some clueless desperate to immigrate Indian to fleece. He asked us for police clearance certificates, and I said the United States immigration did not require them. He threatened we would not be allowed to enter, and I said we had done so once and received our green cards. He said they would deport us, and I shrugged my shoulder, like I give a damn, if I'm back, I'm back. In a last ditch effort to terrify us, he mumbled some threats and that he could get the certificates for us and asked for our passport. As soon as he saw the names, he changed his tunes, wished us well and escorted us in.

So why was I one of these crap shooters taking a gamble. Well, I was a crap shooter, rolling the dice to see what would happen if you leave well off behind. The last few years of our life in India, my father did not 'work', he did 'charity work'. I was sick and tired of his interest and devotion to the 'schools' and reforming this 'public school', and resented that I did not matter as much. I was frustrated at his constant desire to join politics and claims that all major parties had approached him. I was also disillusioned by the charity work my grandfather had done and continued to do. I was distraught by the hours he spent in the slums 'lending' money to people for their ventures and needs. I resented that he did not stop even after being stabbed, and thought that family did not matter. 

When I left India, in a way I was just like some other immigrants - an ignorant and apathetic youth, trying to chase an American dream. I really did not like the idea that India was a socialist state, giving so much emphasis on public sector and opportunity.I hated politics, politicians and the power games that the played. I could not respect the sense of entitlement that I believed people had, some of the strikes, hartals and bandhs that kept happening. I believed in a sort of social darwinism, that people who were poor and less off deserved that. I was unable to understand why people in my family felt such an obligation to serve. I thought everybody should mind their own business and everybody will get what they deserve. It was actually quite a capitalistic and opportunistic point of view.

After all that here I am full circle in life, unable to recognize who that youth once was. Today, I am am a proud part of the cheddar revolution. Today, I find great honor in standing in solidarity with the workers of Wisconsin and the average working man across America and the globe. Today, I am humbled in being just  a small voice that will speak for those who are poorer and less off. I always felt that I had to be at the top of my class or someone highly successful to make my parents proud. But now, everyday I protested at the square, I think I was a person my mom and dad would be proud of, my grandfather would be proud of, my family is proud of. Today, I am that person who has an appreciation and understanding of what society truly is and how we collectively owe to each other to make stronger people, stronger families, stronger towns, stronger states, stronger countries, a stronger humanity.

I understand that my grandfather did not squander his hard earned money, but found a way to give back to working people. I have a lot greater respect for the efforts my father put in a school, which I often mocked for the boorish village vernacular students. It is immensely ironic that a person who once ridiculed strikes and labor movements, has spent afternoons on the square protesting for labor (to the point of falling sick). It is immensely ironic that a person who once abhorred politics is now at the heat of it. I'm just one small nascent voice in this movement. I'm new to this sort of passion for a cause. But I want to be a bigger part of it and get involved more with political action committees and devote more of my time and effort.

I will attribute this change in me to 'education'. Not that I was uneducated, I was well educated SSC, HSC pass, fluent in English and quite smart. However, the Indian social reformer Gopal Hari Deshmukh once said "Education is not what earns bread, what earns bread is labor. Education is what makes one a better, well rounded person". My education has been towards the pursuit of higher goals. But for a long time now, education has not been about higher goals in life, but just a part of it. A large part of my educational pursuits has been to become a well rounded individual, to be informed, to interact with intellectuals and understand what society is and what it means to be a part of society.

A lot of educated, intellectual people will never be blessed to have this change in them. A lot of people will probably never find their souls stirred and awakened. A lot of people will never find themselves part of something bigger than themselves. A lot of people will go their lives only thinking about themselves, their small worlds, their individual needs. A lot of people will never really find compassion for their fellow human beings and believe that everyone who was less fortunate, or unsuccessful was lazy and had it coming. A lot of people will use education to get ahead in lives, improve the quality of their lives, but never give back to society.

I could have been one of them despite education. The biggest difference why I am blessed with this opportunity to revive my soul, I'd say is my mother. For even when the world revolved around me, she taught me to always treat people with respect and gratitude. No matter how much I hated my teachers, I had to appreciate them. It was a novel concept in the society we grew in, but she taught that we had to treat workers with respect. Our milkman, our garbage man, our waiters, our cleaners, our maids, our washer men, they were not servants but people who provided something we needed and we ought to treat them with respect.

My mother is not very opinionated. She is usually very quiet and does not express herself much. She quietly goes with the flow of life. Recently, my mom has shown a very rare uncharacteristic expression of opinion. Not any ordinary opinion, but a strong political opinion - "Scott Walker is an idiot, and is ruining Wisconsin". That reassures me that "Scott Walker is fucking douche bag and corporate whore who is screwing Wisconsin over". It gives me hope that I am standing for what is genuinely right and for the good of the people.The people will always prevail.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Scott Walker makes me sick!

I have something to get off my chest immediately. Scott Walker (R-WI), our governor (dope dude above) makes me sick, Literally sick! Sick! Sick! Sick! Sick! Sick! My head is about to explode, my ears are ringing, and I am literally gagging and choking with cough. I'm even running a mild fever, and my chest burns. A few days ago I lost my voice, and almost lost some digits on my hand. Thankfully, no digits were harmed and my voice came back quickly. The thing is despite being under the weather, I decided to go to Saturday's rally at the capitol. Matters were made worse by the fact that I forgot my gloves on that blistery cold day. My frozen fingers desperately clung to my signs, while the hoarse voice chanted vociferously with the crowds. I understand that my own scatter brain, willful exposure to the cold and the combination of 100,000 people's cooties is the reason for me being sick. But I would not be sick if Scott Walker were not a douche.

In vengeance I'm praying for Scott Walker to get a head cold, sinus and sore throat until he is recalled. In fact I am so deranged and drugged up at the moment, that I want to make out with Scott Walker and give him all my cooties. Scott Walker deserves a severe head cold that lasts a year, that the next time he thinks of running for office - his red rubbed run nose will give him pause for thought.

If you have seasonal flu or other non lethal but brutal cooties - please make out with someone evil like Scott Walker. Pass the love.