What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The World Will Go On!

Katie! We are not in Kansas anymore!
We never were in Kansas Will! 
We never were!
We never will!



Haha! Yeah Score for being British and not American.


Don't forget to Swagga like a Brit bro.



It has been a rough few years for humans. We have suffered a lot the past decade or so. Humans have endured war and terrorism. Our world is still reeling from the pinch of recession. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. To make matters worse, we humans have a knack for piling on more crap on this already massive mountain of shit we are in. Most world leaders are turning out to be pompous idiots, yet people continue to revere funny men in weird hats. Instead of coming together as a people, we keep dividing ourselves further. Especially, here in America we like to steep ourselves in our prejudices, misgivings, hatred and vitriol. That is why we have our crazy tea party folks, screaming liberals, and a whole bunch of republican/democrat/bat shit people raving like lunatics. Honestly, America is caught in a downward spiral steeping in our own depression and misery.

If it were not enough that we humans are insufferable masochists screwing ourselves, mother nature has also decided that she wants to fuck with us. She's been getting all wet and drenching us with tsunamis, flooding rivers and high tides. Then she gets into these moods of vibrating, shaking the earth that end in earth shattering orgasms of mayhem, literally. Human folly and mother nature pissed of are bad enough. Unfortunately, we have had to endure mother nature meeting human folly as well. Our friends in Japan not only experienced earthquakes and tsunami courtesy mother nature, but she decided to target the might awe of human capacity and technology - a nuclear power plant. Now Fukushima plan and the region around it are part of a massive clusterfuck, just the kind of snafu you expect when human nature meets mother nature.

These here fine United States however, are experiencing a whole new level of fury.We had that bitch called Katrina screw us over. For the past two years we have endured snowmageddon and snowpocalypse. In between this great masterpiece of human folly an over ambitious unsafe oil rig run by BP decided to explode millions of barrels of crude oil into the Gulf. Now mother nature has decided to belt us with storms, not just any storms, massive thunder storms, with lightning, hail all that jazz, gusty winds and then plenty of tornadoes thrown in for fun. The tornadoes pretty much bred like rabbits and their spawns just razed southern towns to the ground. Who knows how many more evil love children are lurking out there?

However, despite all that the world will go on. No matter what adversity is thrown our way people will find a reason to smile, enjoy and celebrate. The reason we know this is because on Friday was the Royal Wedding. On a gorgeous British Friday, when it was a spectacularly brilliant day with no traditional groggy London skies Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, son of Charles and late lady Diana, the Prince and Princess of Wales married Lady Catherine Middleton.


For thousands of people across the world, it was a day of tremendous joy and celebration. Most were oblivious to the tornadoes that ravaged Alabama the day before. Others who knew shut it to a tiny dark part of their brain, the place in the brain where the banished Japan, Libya and all other worldly woes. In Great Britain people thronged the streets way early reserving their places along the roads hoping to catch their small glimpse of the Royal wedding. Many poured into public areas, in their best British attire, waving their British flags and swelling with pride. These strange British have a unique love hate relationship with their Royal family. They do cuss them at times, but then they have so much love, affection, pride and admiration in times like these. Across the rest of the world people stayed up late or woke at the wee crack of dawn to watch the wedding and host their own parties.





The best part of it all is that there is so much more to look forward to. Now that Prince William is married, Prince Harry becomes Britain's most eligible bachelor. He should be married in the next five years or so, and we will get our second royal wedding. Then there are the children of William and Kate to look forward too. The ones who will grow to be the Williams of our children's generations, like the Prince Charles of our parents generation. Of course there will be deaths and funerals of the Queen and Charles over the next few decades. But there is so much hope left too, and then the coronation of a new King of England.

The royal wedding has definitely touched souls across the globe and left us with hope, happiness and joy. There is such a beautiful sense of romanticism and elegance to the whole affair. There is something about it that gets our aspirations high, makes us believe that the world is a better and beautiful place. There is something about it that makes my Bollywood heart want to run through fields of flowers and break into songs about the vast blue skies and the heavens beyond and yonder.

Somewhere though the American heart is bitter and upset. Many don't get why the big hoopla about the wedding. Some find it insensitive to gush about a wedding when people are dying and suffering. There is a sense of disdain as to why in the age of democracy people continue to pay homage to royalty. Therein lies the problem of America. Therein lies our disconnect with the world and making sense of its ways. Therein lies the reason why somehow we seem to be troubled when others can sing the blues. Therein lies the reason why something like the Superbowl only goes so far in bonding us, while cricket can bring together a divided nation. There in lies why the world will go on and why I'm a bit cynical about America.

Ours is a young country. The history of America begins with strife and struggle. Unlike the rest of the world we did not have our classical civilization, our medieval times, our age of renaissance. We began with revolution, we began with cries of freedom from powers that be, we began with liberty and equality. That is why historically we still find ourselves stuck at strife and struggle. We are in a rut about our founding fathers and the ideals they stood for. We are steeped in finding meaning and implementation of our constitution and laws. So enamored are we with our democracy that we are constantly at war over this notion of democracy Our nation has known no rest.

Other countries have histories that go far deeper than the roots of democracy. In those times before democracy they knew good times and bads, and for many of them the good times before democracy were their most glorious periods. Despite our escapist movies, our consumerist culture, everything we do for our selfish well being we are in a constant state of cynicism and battle against the system.



Indians and Chinese and countries across the world may not have royalty, but historically they are still in awe of our great kingdoms, the kings and queens of the past, the glory of our old empires. The British are probably still nostalgic about how the sun never set on the British Empire. Italians and Greeks can thump their chests for the Roman Empire and Alexander the Great. But us Americans, we don't really have a history. Not much of a history beyond wars, civil war, world wars, Vietnam war, cold war, Gulf war, Iraq, Afghanistan and all that. Maybe thats why we are so obsessed with declaring ourselves the greatest nation so that we can experience the magic of Empires.

Americans need a break from their modern melancholy worries. Americans need something that other commonwealth countries. Americans need sports like soccer and cricket that bind nations together no matter how far torn apart they are. Americans need history. I think we could do with a royal family to live vicariously through. We could do with a non political leader figure, face for America - form a new American royalty of sorts. In moments of strife and misery, we could do with these familial moments of joy. It would be a nice break from waving flags in some warlike spirit of patriotism, and the pressure to be an American and just wave the flag carelessly in joy, in American happiness over weddings, coronations births. Since Republicans tend to loathe Obama and Democrats loathe the Republican leaders, we could do with a romantic notion of leadership on the side which we can all smile and be in awe off. Honestly, our nation can do with a break from war, natural disaster, and political argument and fawn over a wedding. As many Americans who viewed the wedding in full fervor and awe like the rest of the commonwealth nations. Its not unamerican or undemocratic. Its just finding romanticism and hope, its about that magical thing called history that happened well before democracy.

Seriously Yankee bros, you gotta enjoy these things more often. 
We are happy to revoke the declaration of independence any time.
William, Duke of New York or Diana, Duchess of New Hampshire.
They do have a nice ring to it.


Seriously Barack. I'm not getting any younger. 
My ancestors had much bigger empires than this. My royal ego is hurt. 
I promise to Knight you. I'll grant you Lordship of all Red states if you will. 
I can has America now?


I'm sure there's a royal clause here somewhere to claim America back. 
Align those Yanks with the rest of the sane world. 
At least make them learn the metric.


If I can't have England, can I be King of America?. 
I do this awesome Bush impression.


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