What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Anger Management

Or Not!

Lately I've been feeling very angry. My patience hangs by a thread, and I feel irritated. People seem to have gotten thick and obstinate. All I know is I'm angry, but I don't know why.

Or do I.

For one I'm seriously pissed of at the Indian cricket team. I was on Cloud 9 when we won the world cup. The losses and ties in the West Indies irked me, but in the end we won the series. Winning consoled and pacified me, soothing the embers within. Now we are losing and I'm seething. I was happy as a clam, but the barmy English have made be crabby.

Secondly, I've learned that heathens cannot fast. I'm just too enamored by food, that fasting makes no bloody sense. Who the heck invented fasting anyway? Why can't we do something less painful like charge up a car's cigarette lighter and nicely sear our thumb till its medium rare. I did that recently. It kind of started out ugly, but then I had pretty rings on my thumb. As if many people had liked it and put rings on it. Now its back to being ugly chapped and scaly as the layers of skin peel of each day to let new flesh grow back in. I could not eat rice with my hands for while there and firmly holding silverware was painful, but there was yummy in my belly.

Last years week long fast was just a lucky fluke. I had gone soft and dreamy. Although, I am impressed with the fact that I had an awful cold and was hacking up a storm, choking on my own spittle, refusing water and then performing throat acrobatics to prevent the spittle from flowing down the food pipe and breaking the rules or Ramadan. Got to admit though, heathens got skills. Going back to the point, for that brief period I had convinced myself that fasts meant something. That even heathens have faith, and we could commit ourselves to our beliefs. I convinced myself that it represented my strength and conviction. I convinced myself it would enhance my jedi powers. Now I'm more like eh, I believe what I believe, fasting ain't going to do jack, fasting ain't going to get me jack.

Actually the truth is I'm just plain angry. Some emotional spiel of faith and inner strength is not going to do the trick. Now if someone were to come up to me, look me in the eye and yell "You heathen, you are weak. You have no faith or inner strength. You could not last a day in a fast. You don't know the meaning of jack". Then perhaps, I could do it just to spite them and then smite them with my enhanced jedi skills.

I'm also upset because movies lie. There is a dialog in a Hindi movie that goes loosely like "If you desire something truly and sincerely, then all of creation comes together to fulfill your desire". For some reason I believed it because it is that emotional spiel of faith that makes you warm and fuzzy and hopeful. Then I think logically about the possibilities and it poses conundrums. What if two true and sincere desires conflict. For example, what if an Indian fan truly and sincerely desires for an Indian victory and an English fan truly and sincerely desires for an English victory. Is it a draw? Does it go towards who is back by the most true and sincere desires? Either way only one side or no one gets what they want. The system is fucking flawed. Most importantly what about the Indian teams free will, what about the English teams free will?

What about Shanti Priya, she actually truly and sincerely desired Mukesh Mehra. She loved him, cared for him, was with his child and wanted to be with him. Shouldn't Mukesh have had a change of heart and actually grown a heart? Just because one Om Prakash is a hopeless romantic they both have to suffer and die, and then be reborn so that Om's wishes can be fulfulled. Not a very fair system at all. Kind of turns you off desiring lest someone have to burn for it.

There is plenty wrong in the world to be angry about as well. For starters there is the Tea Party that still exists. Sarah Palin won't go and hibernate in Alaska. Michelle Bachmann is yet to be consumed by a combine purchased with her farm subsidies. Our debt ceiling debacle is over but the economy is still running wild like while politicians throw childish hissy fits over absurdities. Unfortunately, most of nation is divided and throwing their own hissy fits too and pretending that politicians are the only ones. Not me though, I'm throwing my hissy fit right here and not pretending like I'm some saint.

People are cruel to animals and children in Somalia are dying of starvation. And I'm angry not because I feel helpless, but angry because I feel like a heartless soulless beast who can't get myself to do something. Its not that I don't care. I really do. Its like I feel that I have a huge burden on my back, that there is a massive karmic price I have to pay for being a human being, that there is some karmic punishment that I should be receiving for being a human being - and that the karmic system as just forgotten about it and not making me pay.

It is a messed up situation because I'm almost desiring for that burden of being whipped like a fight dog and starving to death like a Somalian child being transferred unto me, but desiring is wrong because we all might burn and die, and I cannot fast because that is one messed up faith and conviction to be doing anything on, and all these negative emotions spinning around me might break off into a massive tornado that hits UK which hopefully occurs at an opportune moment to cancel a match India is losing or does not take place if India is winning which brings me back to the free will of the Indians and English. Capeesh?

Or it could just all be PMS. Most likely its PMS. Only PMS could make sense of all this. Its the right time for PMS to hit.

Deep inside it all there is a very calm and still contentment. There maybe ripples on top, but the lake is deep and there is that water deep inside still pristine, untouched and unmoving. Like a storm swirling in malice, but deep inside there is the eye where it is quiet and peaceful. Ripples and stillness, storm and calm, all part of the same object. All you have to do is find the bottom of the lake, the eye of the storm and stay there. Our world is probably like that too, deep inside all the chaos, there probably is a happy place inside where you fast between happy meals.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

:(